Jordan B. Peterson is one of the most popular current public thinkers with 2,88 Mil followers on Youtube and 1,5 Mil on Instagram. He is a clinical psychologist and a professor of psychology at the University of Toronto. His book “12 Rules for Life – An Antidote to Chaos” sold over three million copies. We would like to share with you our notes about his rule number 5, about parenting: “Do not let your children do anything that makes you dislike them.”
Children must be shaped and informed, or they cannot thrive
- Children can be damaged as much or more by lack of incisive attention as they are by abuse, mental or physical.
- This is damage by omission, rather than commission, but it is no less severe and long-lasting.
- Children are damaged when those charged with their care, afraid of any conflict or upset, no longer dare to correct them, and leave them without guidance.
Be parent, not a friend
- A child will have many friends but only two parents. Parents are more than friends.
- Modern parents are afraid to discipline their children, but it is their responsibility. Parents must learn to tolerate the momentary anger directed at them after corrective action has been taken.
- Parents should teach children how to behave so that other people will be able to interact meaningfully and productively with them.
- Poorly socialized children are chronically ignored by their peers. They are not fun to play with.
- Consistent correction indicates the limits of acceptable aggression to the child.
- Discipline and punish must be handled with care.
- Every child must listen and obey adults because he or she is dependent on their care.
- Every child should also be taught to comply gracefully of civil society.
- If a child has not been taught to behave properly by the age of four, it will forever be difficult for him or her to make friends.
- Peers are the primary source of socialization after the age of four. Rejected children fall further and further behind. A Friendless child becomes a lonely, antisocial, depressed teenager and adult.
Limit the rules and use least force necessary to enforce them
- Limit the rules. Do not bite, kick or hit, except in self-defence. Do not torture or bully other children. Eat in a civilized manner. Learn to share. Pay attention when adults are speaking. Go sleep peaceably. Take care of your belongings.
- Figure out, what to do when one of them gets broken.
- Use the minimum necessary force. Start with the smallest possible intervention.
- Children will misbehave more in public.
- You are not doing your child any favours by overlooking any misbehaviour.
- You have to teach your child to understand, what “No” means and set boundaries. “No” means: if you continue doing what you are doing, something that you do not like will happen to you. Otherwise, it means nothing.
- Timing, part of the context, is also of crucial importance.
- Time out can be an effective form of punishment. An angry child should sit by himself until he calms down. Then he should be allowed to return.
- Parents should come in pairs, to monitor each other. Parents should also understand their own capacity.
Committed parents raise good children
- Properly socialized three-year-old is polite and engaging. She’ s also no pushover. Other kids welcome her and adults are happy to see her.
- Discuss your likes and dislikes with regards to your children with your partner.
- Clear rules make for secure children and calm, rational parents.
- You love your children. If their actions make you dislike them, think about what effect they will have on other people who care less about them.
We think Jordan B.Peterson’s point of view on parenting is interesting and we are looking forward to hearing your comments.