Book club: “The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read”

We can highly recommend “The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read” by Philippa Perry. It is easy to understand, with much useful advice and case studies. Our favorite chapter was about “Feelings.”

A few of our notes are below.

  • How we grew up influences how we raise our children.
  • If we were respected as a unique and valuable individual, shown unconditional love, given enough positive attention, and had good relationships with family members, then we have a good base. 
  • We should always talk about the other parent in a respectful way. 
  • During arguments between partners, it’s essential to continue to respect and appreciate each other.
  • A child needs a parent to be a container for their emotions. Be alongside them, and know and accept what they feel, but don’t be overwhelmed by their feelings.
  • A strong bond between parent and child is essential for good mental health.
  • If a child is clingy – it’s a good thing – they created a strong bond.
  • Think of your child as a partner.
  • It is better to invest positive energy at the beginning than negative energy later. 
  • Wants and needs are the same for an infant.
  • A child that is a pain needs attention even more to repair the rupture.
  • Sleep training does not eliminate a child’s need for you; it eliminates their crying out for you, as it conditions them to give up trying.
  • Children don’t need a lot of toys. 
  • Play is a time to let the child take the lead – decide on an activity and your role in it.
  • A child having a tantrum is not enjoying it. 
  • We should be role models for our children.